You’ll regret it…but do it anyway.
The fact that you are spending any amount of time on this website indicates that you make bad decisions. So while you’re at it, why not sign up for the Sock Puppets From Hell newsletter? It’ll probably land you on all sorts of government watch lists, which is good because people like you need watching.
You may be wondering why you should subscribe to this thing. My response to that would be to tell you it’ll allow me to send any manner of terrible things to your email address. You need this in your life.
As for what you should expect from the Sock Puppets Newsletter, it’ll probably be a mixed bag of Sock Puppet propaganda, drunken rantings and ramblings authored by me and links to things that I find amusing or disgusting.
And possibly some exclusive content like Sock Puppet short stories and whatever.
Subscribing to the Sock Puppets From Hell newsletter will also make you a better person.* And make you more attractive.** And healthier.*** And make your penis bigger.****
You should NOT sign up for this newsletter if you are under the age of 18. Because I’m a foul-mouthed motherfucker and I will ruin and corrupt the shit out of your brain if you are not a legal adult. And I just don’t want that kind of blood on my hands.
Thank you for your time and consideration and SIGN UP FOR MY FUCKING SOCK PUPPET NEWSLETTER!
*No. No it won’t.
**That’s actually a lie.
***Nope. Also a lie.
****This one is true. Even if you are a woman. And it might not stop growing. I’ve heard reports of some people’s penises getting so big that they exploded and they died. If I were capable of emotions, I’d feel horrible.