Lost Cause

He sees the glass as half empty and half full of Windex Milk

Lost Cause is damaged goods.  While all of the Sock Puppets are more than a little mentally unstable, “L.C.” is completely fried.  His nerves are shot and his mind has been addled with all sorts of chemicals, to the point where he’s pretty much functionally suicidal.  He is not the Sock Puppet you’d want babysitting the kids.

Actually…you probably wouldn’t want any of the Sock Puppets From Hell watching your children.  HIDE THEM!  NOW, GODDAMNIT!

If Lost Cause were a human, he’d probably be described as a junkie.  His “hair” (which is made of thick, green shoelace because he’s a Sock Puppet) is an unkempt mess that covers most of his face and he wears a filthy t-shirt that has the words “THE END IS NEAR HERE!” written across it.

Whenever he speaks, puffs of acrid smoke plume out of his mouth.  While it has powerful mind altering effects, it’s also extremely toxic to humans if inhaled in concentrated amounts.  In addition to that, Lost Cause has an incurable case of the munchies, making him the worst roommate in the world.

After a long, hard day of sitting around wracked by a constant sense of dread and paranoia, Lost Cause frequently likes to unwind by drinking a tall glass of Windex Milk, his signature cocktail.  Windex Milk, for those interested in making it for your next game night with friends, is equal parts Windex and whole milk.  Stir and enjoy!

And then probably get chemical burns all up and down your throat, mouth and nose as you vomit it out right before you fucking die.

You can (and should!) read all about Lost Cause and his Sock Puppet friends in the pages of The Sock Puppets From Hell, the self-published novel written by Dan Cheek.

Exit mobile version